


Sound of Settling

by Kalanon (Kalael)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Fill, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-06-12
Updated: 2011-07-02
Packaged: 2017-10-20 08:36:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/210835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kalael/pseuds/Kalanon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes there is no such thing as a happy ending.  Rose knows that she is the second choice and John knows that he is not cut out for Troll romance but the two of them try because honestly, what else can they do at this point?</p><p>Post SBURB, Trolls and Humans in the Veil ending.  Multiple pairings and dubious consent.  Filladex prompt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> WARNINGS: There’s implied masturbation and Rose is a voyeur. Also I’ve never written anything as sexual as that before. I don’t know what possessed me to try it now, but have fun reading it anyway.

She had known from the beginning that this was a relationship born from a broken heart and a desperate one. She was under no illusions that theirs was a loving, beautiful, _human_ commitment. It was much more similar to Troll romance of the red kind, filled with pity and mating fondness except without so much of said fondness. Actually, the fondness was certainly there on her end of the deal, and it pained her to think that she had fallen so far.

Rose had never considered herself to be a slave to her emotions, as her friends were wont to be. Jade with her sudden and almost frightening mood swings, John and his surprisingly frail heart and beautiful smile, and even Dave though he thought his feelings were hidden behind well-worn sunglasses that Rose knew he kept for more than simple irony. She observed them through various pesterchum logs, taking note of their reactions and dreams and wants and most of all the things that they loved, because love was a concept she only understood in a cold and sarcastic way. The Lalonde household was not one of familial affection, it was a game of one-upmanship ( _that wasn’t true she knew it wasn’t, her mother’s death had proved that much to her but Rose had grown up believing that love was false and empty_ ).

So when she felt her stomach twisting in a sick sort of way whenever she spoke with Kanaya, their foreheads almost touching as they spoke  
quietly beneath their breath, she did not immediately recognize it for what it was.

There was no way to pinpoint the beginnings of such a feeling. Rose knew that she had grown increasingly fond of the jadeblooded Troll girl through their online chats, and when they finally met in person on the asteroid space station she couldn’t stop a weary little smile from curving her lips. She remembered that her stomach had flip-flopped a little when Kanaya smiled back, sharp white teeth peeking shyly from under emerald lipstick. Rose had chalked it up to nerves. Conversations with John proved otherwise.

“It sounds like you have a crush!” He teased quietly, the two of them sitting in one of the empty labs that littered the asteroid base. Rose had paused in her knitting, the loops of yarn nearly slipping from her needles.

“Pardon?” She asked, her tone smooth, not betraying the surprise that she felt. John merely smiled, reaching out to rest a hand on her shoulder. _He is so small_ , she thought, feeling his slender pianist fingers sliding warmly down her arm as he leaned in closer. She realized with slight trepidation that his actions did not instill any feelings of the sexual kind within her. Much to her relief, John realized that all on his own and pulled away with a slightly awkward expression, his cheeks flushed in a way that Rose would have found charming if she weren’t so confused.

“Haven’t you ever had a crush on someone before, Rose?” This was the question that would haunt the blonde late into the night, knitting furiously and chewing her lower lip as Kanaya slept in the room next to hers.

It was almost entirely an accident that Rose discovered Kanaya’s secret (or perhaps it wasn’t, Rose didn’t know) crush. The keyword there was ‘almost’, and Rose was a little ashamed at how she had learned this bit of information. Kanaya’s room was adjacent to hers and the walls, while metal, were not entirely soundproof. Not to mention the ventilation system carried sound fairly well and it was easy to press her ear to the vent a few inches off the floor, ears trained to pick up the slightest change in pitch (the violin was good for something after all) easily locking onto the sound of breathing. Kanaya was panting heavily, making soft growling noises that Rose was certain she wouldn’t be able to hear if not for the fact that Kanaya’s bed was right next to the vent.

Oh my god. _Oh my god_. Rose turned so red it felt like she had a third degree burn spreading across her face and neck and down her chest. Kanaya was—she was— _oh gog_. Despite her embarrassment Rose couldn’t tear herself away, her left ear pressed to the vent and her left hand scrabbling for purchase on the cold metal floor. The growls grew a little louder and a sharp heat pooled in Rose’s abdomen, the feeling a familiar one, and the blonde shakily brought her right hand up to her mouth, biting the fleshy part of her palm just in time to smother a soft whine.

Kanaya was apparently moving quite a bit because Rose could hear the rustling of cloth and her imagination filled in the rest. Violet eyes clamped shut and she bit her palm harder, trying to regulate her own breathing. Kanaya was speaking now, something in Troll that Rose couldn’t quite translate, but she could catch the final phrase as Kanaya came with a strangled shout.

“ _Fuck, Vriska!_ ” It grew quiet. Rose swore that she couldn’t even hear her own heartbeat, because she was fairly certain that it had stopped.

When Rose was in the computer lab later that day she caught Kanaya’s eye. She could not stop the flush that rose to her cheeks and she quickly excused herself from the room in the middle of a conversation with Jade. She felt eyes on her back as she exited and she _knew_. Kanaya had known that Rose was listening. Kanaya had continued what she was doing, calling out Vriska’s name, while Rose listened through the air vent that connected their rooms. That knowledge made bile rise up in Rose’s throat and she had to rest her head against the cool metal wall of the hallway, not caring that she was out in the open. A deceptively thin hand came to rest on the small of her back and Rose clenched her fists, breathing out shakily when surprisingly rough lips caressed the back of her neck.

Why Vriska? Why spidertroll? Everyone knew that she was into John, with the way she hung over the kid at all hours of the day. Rose allowed herself to be turned around, meeting Kanaya’s eyes for a brief moment before emerald green lips descended on her own painted black mouth. It didn’t matter that just a few scant hours before Kanaya had been moaning and panting to the image of another girl. It didn’t matter that Rose knew she was being used as a replacement, that she was being settled for. She would take what she could get.

By the next morning everyone knew that Rose and Kanaya were an ‘item’ now, as John so eloquently put it. Rose pretended that she didn’t see John looking at her, just like she pretended that she couldn’t see Kanaya looking at Vriska. She moved into Kanaya’s room and the two of them decorated it the way they wanted, a mix between dark and bright fabrics that Kanaya had alchemized but didn’t plan on using. They laughed and joked, hands brushing each other’s as they worked. It was easy to forget that they were not perfect, so long as Vriska was out of sight, and Rose selfishly wished that the spidertroll would simply disappear with the Horrorterrors.

She couldn’t prevent her disappointment each morning when she woke up to find that Vriska was still there.

Rose had always believed that she would treat her future partners as aloofly and clinically as she treated her friends, showing her care in small, practical ways that could be appreciated for what they were. But Kanaya had quickly proved to be a demanding lover (trying to make up for her lack of true affection with physicality, Rose noted one night as they kissed) and Rose was altogether surprised and terrified to find that she wanted to please the other girl, bending forward and backwards to try and maintain some semblance of happiness, of the romance she never realized that she craved.

It only hurt more to realize that nothing she did was quite good enough, everything she provided fell just short of Kanaya’s needs.

Kanaya’s fondness could easily be chalked up to an aching need to place her affections on someone who would want her. It was sad that Rose was desperate enough to take even that. It stung in the best sort of way when Kanaya would bite a little too hard on her lip or grab her arm too tightly. The stinging would give way to bittersweet aching when it hit that Kanaya forgot that Rose was fragile, forgot that she was human, forgot that she wasn’t Vriska.

Love was indeed false and empty.

It was a relationship born of a broken heart and desperate one. However, late in the evening when Kanaya’s warm hands were tangled in her hair and Rose’s own hands ( _cold, smooth, hopelessly tainted with Grimdark sentiment_ ) rested heavily by her sides, she wondered which heart belonged to whom.

( _She wished she had fallen in love with John instead._ )


	2. Treated So Wrong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was hard to write. Getting into Kanaya's head was difficult, because she understood that she was taking advantage of Rose but did NOT understand that she was hurting her. So basically Kanaya knows that she is doing something bad and relatively horrible but she's suppressing the knowledge of that in an attempt to make things feel better.

Kanaya knew, without a doubt in her mind, that she could easily be compared to the refuse of a musclebeast (in Dave’s less than polite terms, she was complete bullshit). Troll romance was something that most of them took very seriously. Human romance, while not the most logical of things, was also something meant to be respected and cherished. Toying with emotions was something that Vriska would do. It was generally frowned upon unless you were a pair of kismesis, in which case you were supposed to ‘fuck with each other’s heads’.

While she and Rose were supposed to be matesprits, sometimes she felt like they acted more like kismesis. It wasn’t that they hated each other (No, Rose adored her and Kanaya hated herself for taking advantage of that), it was that they danced around each other and nearly everything had a double meaning of some sort. And while the dynamics of such a relationship were not too difficult to comprehend, it was the fact that they were so broken without even having having tried to fix it that bothered her.

Rose was apparently content with their broken bond (a tie that was so tightly wrapped around them that they couldn't get away if they tried), though, and Kanaya would catch the girl looking at her longingly out of the corner of her eye. If Kanaya were Vriska, she would have gone over and shaken the truth out of the human. But as it was, Kanaya passively accepted that what they had was not conventional. The others said nothing. Kanaya felt like it was obvious andshe was ashamed of herself for letting it happen. It made her try to make up for everything the only way she could. She lavished Rose with affection, gving her kisses and holding her hands, doing anything and everything that would make her stay.

Rose was a loving partner and she did her best. But it felt so empty.

Things came to a head a month into their relationship. Rose had been acting strangely and Kanaya was doing her best to figure out what it was but she was so preoccupied with Vriska that she could not spend her time equally with the girl she called her matesprit and the troll that she ~~loved~~ was consoling. Finally, strung out from concern and lack of sleep and a million other things (where was the affection she was so desperately searching for?), Kanaya cornered Rose in the hallway and brought her into what must have been a violent kiss because she could taste the bittersweet tang of Rose's red blood. It was returned but it felt halfhearted. The Troll girl realized with sudden clarity Rose was in pain, that Rose knew (of course she did she had known all along) that Kanaya did not love her. “Rose…”

Kanaya mentally noted that she had never seen a human cry before as translucent liquid swelled in Rose’s eyes. Her expression must not have been appropriate for the situation because Rose quickly looked away, swiping her thin (so terribly fragile) fingers under her eyelashes. “My apologies, Kanaya, I appear to have lost where I was for a moment. Will you…please excuse me.” Before the Troll could stop her, Rose had hurried out of the room. Kanaya noted that one of her hands (fingers just as slender as Rose’s but so much stronger, they could crush a little human hand in a moment) was raised off the bed, reaching out for her departed partner.

For some reason, Kanaya felt like she had been cheated of something precious.

After that, Rose and John had spent two days in one of the labs, trying various codes in an attempt to alchemize something. What is was, Kanaya didn’t know, but she found that many of the station’s occupants had grown just as curious as her and soon it was very difficult to spy on the two humans in a clever fashion. However by that point whatever the two humans were trying accomplish, it appeared to be done. John looked over at the door, where a mix of troll and human faces were watching them, and his sheepish smile drew the guilty onlookers inside. John was sitting on a bench in front of an interestingly shaped instrument, which Karkat quickly identified as a ‘piano’.

Rose held another strange instrument, one that she remembered seeing the other girl play before while watching through the computer screen, and her mind supplied the word ‘violin’. It rested at the crook of her neck, her chin and shoulder holding it gently in place, and _oh that was where that odd callous on Rose’s neck had come from_. She had not realized it, had not cared enough to question it, and though she felt the slightest pang of guilt her attention was quickly diverted to where Vriska sat on the piano bench next to John, listening to intently as the boy patiently taught the notes of each key.

Rose and John eventually played a piece together, one that Dave later confirmed to be improvised on the spot, and Kanaya saw how well suited the two fragile humans were for each other. That thought sent a spark of shame through her but the Rainbow Drinker kept her mouth shut.

She could not let Rose go.

Later that night she would find herself unable to sleep, the room dark except for her own faintly glowing body. With her hands resting gently on Rose’s stomach, Kanaya curled closer to the human that was sleeping in her arms. She smelled like oil and smoke from being in the labs all day ( _everyone knew that she was avoiding Kanaya and they looked at the Rainbow Drinker so accusingly_ ) but it wasn’t an unpleasant scent. It reminded her of bygone days, when Vriska still had her mechanical arm and it would keep breaking.

Kanaya shut her eyes and breathed in deeply, taking in the scent from Rose’s hair. Dave was right. She was complete and utter bullshit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually sort of hate this chapter because I KNOW I can get into Kanaya's head better...bluh.


	3. 'Rails and Pails

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh god this has turned into a massive clusterfuck of emotional tragedy and teenage hormones. Okay, here we go. One-sided John/Rose with a healthy heaping of awkwardangry Vriska/John and sweet but holyfuckangsty Dave/John with some bitter Karkat/John thrown in.
> 
> This is the song I used for this little chapter: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ggcTEQaTpd8 (Come Here Boy by Imogen Heap)

He liked Rose. He wouldn’t go so far as to say that he loved her because he didn’t really know what love was like. He didn’t think anyone here really understood what love was like, especially not the people he had suddenly found himself involved with. They were all kind of messed up in their own ways but wow did this take the batterwitch’s metaphorical cake.

Take Vriska, for example. She wouldn’t know what love was if it hit her over the head, ripped her limb from limb, and sewed her back together again with her head next to her ass. John only felt the slightest bit guilty in saying that because as amazing a friend she was, she was kind of fucked up. Really fucked up. And he wouldn’t lie about that because honestly it was what really drew him to her once they had all come together in the veil. She clung to his curiosity and their mutual adoration of Nic Cage and somehow it ended up with sloppy makeouts and unpleasant bruising.

Dave wasn’t that much better. At least he didn’t go around killing people (though Vriska swore she was done with that, no one knew if they could take her word). But his concept of love had a lot to do with holding someone down and speaking possessively and leaving marks wherever he could and it was so hard to explain the bruises on his jaw when Jade asked about them, but John was learning how to hide those better. It was harder to hide the way that Dave liked to slam him into walls and pull John’s legs up around his waist with the excuse of playing gay chicken. John always lost.

Karkat…Karkat was odd. His view of love was based entirely on troll romcoms and it seemed like even the other trolls at the station couldn’t comprehend those. John had a hard enough time even understanding human ones and although it was a little endearing when Karkat attempted to pull off some grand scheme of wooing, John wasn’t exactly sure what the troll was trying to do. What the heck did he want?

At least Vriska and Dave were straightforward with their desires, though John was still iffy about the whole sex thing. He should not have to fight for custody of his pants.

If anyone else noticed how unusual the situation was or even that something weird was happening at all, no one said anything. Terezi didn’t really talk to Dave as much as she used to, and when they did it was strained. Karkat was yelling at Dave and Vriska a lot more often and Dave would actually look at Karkat over his glasses with a look that was as close to a glare as he could get. Vriska was with Kanaya less and less and with John more and more.

Sollux had also taken to making cryptic comments about ‘rails and pails and Nepeta would giggle whenever she saw him. It was sort of annoying. It got even worse when Kanaya attempted to explain the concept of troll romance to John—again.

John concluded that he was not cut out for anything like a Trollmance with its dumb confusing quadrants and redroms and blackroms and auspiticeships. But Vriska was not someone that he could escape alive and how could he ever say no to Dave and Karkat was so insistent and determined—no, John was not meant for any of this. But he tried his hardest anyway.

It only ended up with him deeper in this clusterfuck of emotions but at least everyone else was happy, and that’s all that John really wanted in the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In my headcanon they are about 16 or so when this story occurs, by the way.


	4. Chapter 4

It’s an awful lot like drowning, Rose thought. Fuzzy, razor edged memories bit the edges of her vision. A cool autumn afternoon and the river that ran beneath their home, powering everything from lights to heating. Dipping her feet in and her mother screaming ‘no, no’ and being sucked under for what felt like eternity but was actually a mere twenty seconds. Her mother had been soaked from head to toe, designer clothes dripping and makeup running as she sobbed into Rose’s platinum hair.

An awful lot like being dragged under by the current with no way to reach the surface. There was no one to pull her back up for air this time around.

Rose lay back on the bed she and Kanaya had taken to sharing, the other bed unused and cleanly made on the other side of the room. Colorful fabrics were strung across the ceiling and draped down the walls, making it look like a circus tent or a psychic’s home. She didn’t mind it. It felt…dare she say it, cozy. The bed was also strewn with fabric, plush swaths of jade green and petal pink wrapping around her legs. She was only half dressed from the night before, her lose top pushed halfway up her stomach, and she pulled it down to fight the chill that came over her.

Kanaya had left the door cracked. That typically meant she planned on coming back soon. However Rose didn’t feel much like waiting, so she slid out of bed and changed into a clean dress before departing. The cafeteria was empty, which didn’t surprise her because it was quite early for many of the late-risers on the station. The Seer quietly ate breakfast and washed her dishes, leaving them on the counter to dry. As she left she saw Jade and Tavros groggily making their way to the kitchen. Rose waved as she noted that the two were holding hands. Well, that was a new development, but not one that she didn’t see coming. They quickly left her sight as she rounded a corner.

It was not unusual for the hallways to be empty. Rose wished she had her knitting with her, but she had forgotten it in John’s room when they had been watching movies the afternoon before. Vriska and Kanaya had been there as well, of course, but only Vriska had actually been paying attention to the movie. Rose remembered the angry click of her knitting needles and John’s worried looks as Kanaya—obliviously, as always—focused more on Vriska than Rose.

She was used to it but the hurt never really went away. She desperately wished that for one moment, Kanaya would feel the way she had been for the past few months.  
\----

Kanaya was not surprised to find the room empty when she returned. Rose came and went as she pleased. The Jade-blooded troll made the bed before leaving again, entertaining the idea of finding the human girl. She decided that it would be a better idea to get Rose’s knitting things from John’s room. She really didn’t like to leave the two humans alone, though she knew there was little to worry about. But jealously was a common trait amongst trolls so she did not put too much thought into it.

Kanaya took the roundabout way to John’s room, stopping by Vriska’s first to see if she was there. The other troll was out, presumably getting something to eat. Oh well. Kanaya passed others as she continued towards John’s room. Gamzee and Karkat appeared to be bickering as they walked to the cafeteria, though it was really just Karkat yelling and Gamzee smiling widely. Sollux and Feferi walked in silence and Dave looked as annoyed as a coolkid could, which meant that someone was likely with John at the moment. Kanaya’s chest tightened a little at that but she shoved the thought aside and kept onward.

She would never be able to understand her decision to continue forward that day.

Rose privately called it a miracle.

The blonde was already at John’s room, rapping quietly on the door. When there was no response she opened it on her own, expecting to find John still in bed. She was half right. The gasp behind her gave away Kanaya’s position. Rose stood resolutely in the doorway, watching as John and Vriska awkwardly pulled the sheets up around themselves.

“My apologies, John, I was not aware that you were awake. If you could please return my knitting supplies to me later I would be much obliged.” And she shut the door with a resounding thud.

Rose didn’t turn around until Kanaya’s hurried footsteps had disappeared down the hall. She didn’t have to think about where the troll girl had gone. With heavy steps Rose began the trek back to their shared room, a mix of dread and anticipation whirling in her stomach. She had not meant for anyone to see that, in fact she hadn’t thought she would see something like that, but it wouldn’t damage her and Kanaya’s already strained relationship. When she slowly opened the metal door of her room, she knew that she regretted nothing.

Kanaya’s pretty gold eyes were muddy with translucent green and Rose realized that this is what Troll tears looked like. She had given the other girl enough time to sort out her feelings on the matters of John and Vriska, hopefully it meant that Kanaya had given thought to her own actions. The two of them stared at each other, the silence broken only by the jade-blood’s muffled sobs. Rose came and sat on the bed, putting very little distance between herself and her partner.

“I’m sorry.” Kanaya gasped out. It was garbled and Rose was actually pretty sure that Kanaya had said that in Troll, which made her very glad she could understand the language.

“…What for?” Rose ended up asking, her Troll heavily accented because humans couldn’t really growl that well. Kanaya’s pained expression made her heart wrench, but she needed to hear it. She needed to know that the other girl meant it.

“I’m sorry for hurting you, using you, dragging you down to my level. You deserve someone that would love you so much more than I have been.” It goes unspoken that John is the one who deserves Rose most. The blonde human took Kanaya’s face between her hands, jade tears staining her fingers.

“You’re right.” She said, and the words were like a knife across her tongue. Kanaya flinched back but Rose’s hands were steady. “You hurt me, you used me, you drowned me. I deserve so much more than this and you definitely don’t deserve me.” They did not lose eye contact once and Rose was certain there was as much pain in her own eyes as there were in Kanaya’s.

“But,” She said, tracking a thumb along the troll’s lower lip, “I love you. And I have learned that love makes as little sense as Karkat’s romantic comedies. You are the only one I want.” There was a mix of relief and frustration on Kanaya’s face so Rose went in for the kill. “If you want to keep me, though, you have to try harder. Because I will not hesitate to leave if you treat me as you have been. There is only so much I can take, Kanaya.”

“Anything you want, Rose.” Kanaya said, breathless and somber. The kiss was wet and tasted like Kanaya’s tears but it was the first kiss they had shared that didn’t feel like heartbreak.

“I just want you.” Rose whispered, and when Kanaya held her close and kissed her again she knew that she had her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's not a happy ending but it's less broken than the beginning. Maybe they'll figure it out, maybe they'll part ways.


End file.
